DIARY
A YEAR OF ACTIONS, NO MATTER HOW SMALL,
THAT MARKS MY DECLARATION
OF ALIVENESS AND CREATIVE FOCUS
07/16/26
“The Gentle Exploration of a Creative Life” is a mission statement. The mission is a call to action for me to spend my life energy exploring and expanding on what it means to be a creative human.
The path to this has not been a linear one. It has been marked with false starts, forgotten passions, half-hearted attempts at following wishful whims. What would happen if I actually spent a year doing? (Like the incredible Jesse Moraine Young and her A Woven Year project.) This is the mission. I AM THE LAB is more than a personal declaration, a description borrowed from a poem.* It is a call-to-action, be it gentle, to fill the beakers, mix the elements, to pour and shake, to make and do.
Time moves and can beckon forward without me, but only if I stubbornly plant ourselves into a static place. But if I allow myself to flow with the river and match its power with my own movement, ah now, that is the thing to be. Not ‘become’: there is no version of myself that I am waiting for at the end. I will arrive as I am, either empty without fruitage, or full, with baskets and bushels of my own findings.
Can I still be satisfied with a life less fulfilled, less realized, less actualized? Or, do I seize on the moments, add them up, minute to minute, day to day, until something beautiful emerges? This is my choice and I choose this: a year of action, no matter how small, that make my proclamation of aliveness true. This declaration of creative focus and force is mine to declare, own and birth. Let’s see what remains I the end. This is the start.
* The poem: I am the lab of my own experiment, the Petri dish of my own experience.
07/17/26
Remember this when it is time,
The nerve it takes to create
is inherently mine.
—
I have this habit of holding tension in my midsection. It is one of those somatic sensations that slips from conscious awareness until you notice it. As a highly sensitive person with a deep history of complex trauma, it is little wonder that I used to have so many digestive problems. Not that I still don’t have a measure of them, but they have been reduced significantly, thanks to therapy. However, this one bodily sensation remains. I became aware of it again today and, once aware, I made the decision to actively let the tension go. What is astonishing to me is the flow of days that I was not aware. What subtle toll does holding this kind of quiet tension have on the body?
07/18/26
If I keep looking for you in the shadows,
Will I miss you in the sun?
Or do I just stand still
and wait for you to come?
—
Is there an English word for wanting without envy? I think the closest we get is admiration. But the Japanese have a word, 憧れakogare which seems to mean a longing for someone else’s qualities or lifestyle in a positive way. It moves you to improve your own existence. It’s inspirational admiration.
What brought on this feeling? I’m sitting in a cafe and watching a father with a young baby nestled on his chest in some sort of elaborate pouch. The kid is adorable: little blue jumper and the cutest small brimmed hat. He looks so safe and secure. The dad is bouncing gently due to the insistent music, the kind that is somewhere between electric and melancholy. It is the feeling of safety and security that struck and stuck with me. I hope this bond on display lasts for this little tykes entire timeline: father and son, bound together in love and gentleness. It is a sensation that I will never know, but it is something we all need to feel and experience.
This weary world definitely exacerbates my need for that kind of comfort. Bounce away, good dad.
07/19/26
What role do newsletters play for creative folks? Some of the newsletters I subscribe to are incredibly informative, like Dense Discovery. It arrives every Monday and is a blend of thoughtful commentary on living in this changing tech-connected era and a well-curated collection of apps, websites, art, typefaces and more from Kai Brach.
One of the unique elements of DD is the forum that Kai has built. It’s so well designed that I wish he would offer the infrastructure for sale to others. It’s a community building tool that is simple to use and unlike any other I’ve seen. Dense Discovery is worth the read.
07/20/26
Is anyone else as intrigued by the whole small-batch perfum/scent making universe? I only own one right now, Palo Santo by M. Hainey, which smells so rich and smooth, like falling asleep and waking up inside a cocoon of woodsy delight. It is definitely worth a smell. Ffern stays on my radar, but I must admit that the mixed reviews I’ve read has made me reticent to try it. A new one just found me, Paraphrase, and has my curiosity peeked. Honestly, I’m an essential oils gent, so it is very likely that if you happen to be in my presence, you will carry away a little camphor or eucalyptus. Almost forgot to add Misc. Goods. Love their branding.
